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Born: 1951 Weight: 298 lbs. Special: Bull Charge Alcohol Tolerance: Extremely high Propensity to Keep Clothing On: Low Appearance: Holy cow Toughness: Holy shit Sex Appeal: Deceptive An entire generation of children had nightmares and ruined underwear after they saw Bald Bull on the television for the first time. It is this legacy that Bald Bull brings to the WVBA in the 21st century. At no point will he be labeled the most cerebral fighter on the circuit, but when you're nine feet tall and have a messed up hopping punch that looks like a big Turkish locomotive barreling at you, it kind of makes the whole thinking thing look overrated. The fact that Bald Bull is usually completely drunk when coming to the ring doesn't help his cranial capacity much, but it certainly makes him an even more imposing bully. It's bad enough when a 17 year-old in a pink jogging suit has to fight the Colossus, it's quite another when he has to fight him while under the crafty tutelage of Lord Calvert. All told, Bald Bull is a pretty sick bastard, but it's going to take a pretty brave man to tell him so and an even braver man to prove it. |
| Origins Nobody is really sure what Bald Bull was doing before he was boxing, although studying and showering can probably safely be crossed off the list. The man looks like one of those Easter Island statues, except he's a little dumber and slightly more grotesque. The most likely scenario is that Bull's life of bar-fighting eventually led to some organized fighting, and his involvement in organized fighting turned it to chaos, and his involvement in the chaos left the world with hundreds less people and one NES star in the making. WVBA I The first glimpse that Nintendo-utilizing children and adults got of Bald Bull was in the Major Circuit title bout with Little Mac. Up until that point, the WVBA was mildly bizarre with its teleporting genies and island chiefs, but when the massive and horrendously ugly Bald Bull came onto the screen it was officially knighted as fucked up.
Bald Bull's exploits in the WVBA at this time also led him to a #3 ranking in the World Circuit, where he had the curious habit of not going down to normal punches. Only Little Mac's speed-fueled super uppercuts or a misplaced Bull Charge would put him down. Some people tried to tell Bull to lay off the Bull Charge in these fights and remove that weakness, but he was far too busy biting the tops off of beer cans to notice.
Bald Bull is back in the WVBA and has been seen most often gallivanting with his best friend and fellow boozehound, Von Kaiser. These two are often responsible for most of the out-of-the-ring excitement of the WVBA, as their exploits have been known to result in prison sentences, public apologies, and totally kick-ass keg parties. The two are pretty much inseparable to the point that you'd think there would be some people questioning the intimacy of their relationship, but this is not the case. I certainly wouldn't want to get on the bad side of a twelve foot monster but perhaps even more importantly, it's not very wise to bring down the wrath of a former German military school boxing instructor. I know that's a rats' nest we're all painfully familiar with. Doc Louis: "I tell you what, Bald Bull is like the WVBA's rotten sandwich. You know that getting involved with him is just going to lead to an upset stomach and more than a few dinosaur calls, but he's just too tempting to resist. I look at this huge psychopath and I know that it's just going to lead to P.R. headaches for me, but child molesters draw crowds man. After all, they couldn't really be child molesters if they didn't. " (Somebody mentions that they don't think Bald Bull is a child molester) "Oh yeah right, and I'm a skinny guy who doesn't look like a grizzly bear and isn't a closet racist." Leonardite: "Seriously, this guy creeps the hell out of me. When he comes out pounding his gloves together, staring a hole through the TV cameras and right through my forehead, I lose all feelings of personal security. He's a "666" on the forehead away from being the beast himself. I would prefer not to have to deal with Bull at all, but Doc claims he's good for the promotion. My only condition to his admittance is that the arena gets sanitized after every Bull appearance, because if whatever it is that he sweats out has the possibility of transforming me into a giant....thing...like him, I want to take every precaution necessary . Unless I somehow get chosen for the next Mortal Kombat tournament, then I'll take a 30-pack of his back juice." WVBA II Match History:
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