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 First Quarter Sikahema drags the ball out to the 38 yard-line and avoids injury, always a notable occurrence. Cardinals Drive #1 Johnson gets armageddoned on the first play, so the Cardinals waste no time busting out the reverse pass on second down. The receivers looked pretty open, but the fact that Timm was wearing Reggie Rutland as a hat didn't spell success for the play. The Cards reloaded with a quick incompletion before Rich Camarillo came out for what could be the first of many punt kicks.
The Vikings started the drive on their own 41 and Wade Wilson hit a leaping Herschel Walker on first down who juked and jived his way down to the six. From there the Vikes went into the shotgun where we got to see the always exciting "Throw it backwards two yards for an incompletion" Tecmo rulebook alteration in action. After the H-Bomb picks up four yards on second down, the Cardinals get totally Fenneyed as the fullback runs it two yards for the score. 7-0, Minnesota Cardinals Drive #2 The Cardinals start things from their 37, but manage to get Tim-em sacked by Joey Browner on first down. This is no small feat considering Browner is a non-alley strong safety. Only the long snapper had a further sprint to record a sack and that was because he was at the concession stand on this play. After two Tim-em incompletions, we're punt kicking again. Vikings Drive #2 Leo Lewis has a nifty return to the 41, but the Vikings' enthusiasm is tempered when the Cardinals blitz eleven on first down and reduce Herschel Walker to a smoldering pile of plastic and flesh. After Walker's dead carcass is removed and replaced with the even further deceased carcass of Jessie Clark, the Vikings hit a pass to the new cadaver. On 3rd and 3, Clark picks up ten and the Vikings have a first down as the quarter expires. End of 1st Quarter: Minnesota-7, Phoenix-0 Second Quarter Vikings Drive #2 (Continued)
14-0, Minnesota Cardinals Drive #3 Auto-Fuad sets Phoenix up at their own 39, but the Cardinals keep their stellar tradition alive by allowing Keith Millard to push them back nine right off the bat with a sack. Tim-em throws a terrible pass, but Johnny Johnson fake reverses his way for nineteen yards, barely clawing out Puh-hoe-nix's first first down of the day. Rosenbach hits Roy Green on third and eight, bringing the Cardinals down to the Minnesota 18. On first down its Proehl reverse time and he runs the ball for just under a half hour and gains just under two yards. A completed diving reverse pass in coverage (how ridiculous does that sound? Answer: Ri-goddam-diculous) to Johnny Johnson has Phoenix on the three with 48 seconds remaining. The Cardinals call timeout to discuss why Rosenbach has two m's in his name and then embarassingly for all of us score on the Proehl reverse. 14-7, Minnesota
Alfred Anderson, Walker's kick returning replacement, brings the ball out past the 50 and then follows his predecessor on a gurney to the infirmary. The Vikings hit one more pass before halftime but can't score or figure out why their strategy of "reverse, reverse, reverse, punt kick" has netted them a 1-6 record to this point. End of 2nd Quarter: Minnesota-14, Phoenix-7 Halftime All is right with the world! On a day where people rejoiced at the return to normalcy of having a pope, I was extolling the return of our beloved halftime show. Habemas Pantum! We have a panty shot! 3rd Quarter Vikings Drive #4
Cardinals Drive #4 The Cardinals really don't want it either and decide to go three-and-out, included in which was one of the worst passes I've seen all season from Timmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Rosenbach. Vikings Drive #5 The shameful game of hot potato looked like it was going to continue, but the Vikings go Fenneystyle on third down to move the sticks. The Vikings convert another third down with the fake reverse by Clark and look to be moving into Auto-Fuad's range. Unfortunately, a sack from the superbly monikered Freddie Joe Nunn drives them back out and two poor plays are unable to bring them out of punt kick territory. Cardinals Drive #5 Johnny Johnson busts loose for 52 yards on first down and the Cardinals are in Viking territory to start the final period. End of 3rd Quarter: Minnesota-14, Phoenix-7 4th Quarter Cardinals Drive #5 (Continued)
Vikings Drive #6 Jessie Clark and Hassan Jones combine for two carries that go over ten yards, which in this league gives the Vikings a new set of downs. On 3rd and 6 from the fifty, Anthony Carter makes a spectacular catch and bails out Wilson, giving the Vikings what, let's be honest, is an insurmountable lead. 21-7, Minnesota Cardinals Drive #6 The Cardinals are playing smashmouth football which, despite netting first downs, isn't too wise when you need two touchdowns in two minutes. Just for good measure, Timm coughs it up and lets Joey Browner return it to the Cardinals' 18. Vikings Drive #7 After a completion to Carter brought the Vikes to the 5, they attempted to Fenney it into the end zone to no avail. But Wilson threads one to Hassan Jones on third down, officially raking Phoenix over the coals a little harder. 28-7, Minnesota Cardinals Drive #7 Who the hell cares? Closing Thought Phoenix's slim playoff chances took a big hit this week via the donkey roundhouse kicking delivered by Minnesota. The Reverse World Series ends up in a 1-1 tie, although both teams can rest easily at night knowing that nobody in the world will care enough to notice. Joey Browner gets player of the game honors for his sack and his fumble recovery. Strangely enough, the interception was the only piece of the defensive hat trick missing for this defensive back. Add to the equation that he was facing Ti m-squared and the scope of that enigma is broadened even further.   |
