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 •His giggling could hardly be contained. Joey must have been sitting on a feather or watching a Blossom marathon, because normally there would be no other explanations for this amount of laughter. But this wasn’t a normal situation, because he was at a flea market. Anyone who has spent more time at flea market than takes to make microwave popcorn knows that normalcy and these events don’t mingle. Any place where you can buy someone’s used underwear, God-knows-what-stained books, and a bucket of hood ornaments is certifiably weird. “Circus Caper” he managed to choke out between uncontrollable heaves of laughter. What could possibly be so funny about the Circus Caper? After all, he’d already fisted my funny bone with his description of Build a Burger “It’s a power pad game. You can build burgers with your feet!” and simply reading the name “Solstice: The Quest for the Staff of Demnos.” “Circus Caper” he repeated again, “THE GREATEST GAME ON EARTH!” Got it. Pretty bold statement, I’ll be the first to admit. But outlandish boasts, titles, and plots are the hallmark of the Nintendo Entertainment System. From elaborate label art to questionable licensing choices (Yo Noid! anyone?) the NES left no stone unturned in its quest to canvass the world with its library. The Nintendo just might be the quintessential subject matter for the internet. Volumes have been written on its translation difficulties, thousands of screenshots have been passed around of the Bad Dudes intro and the homosexual boxing managers on Ring King, and nearly a half dozen people have exchanged exhilarating stories about playing Where’s Waldo. Undeniably, it’s a pretty saturated market. It’s a lot easier for people with spare time to rip apart a game from 1987 than polished titles from today, with their impeccable graphics and flawless english. My “greatest” contributions to the online Nintendo smorgasbord are certainly within the Tecmo and WVBA sections, leaving many to consider this section Leonardite.com’s bastard child. The Lair is more or less just a look at some of the games I have in my studly personal collection of NES cartridges. I make no promises about innovation or creative new spins on the Nintendo scene, when all I want to do here is point out how cool Donatello’s bo strikes are on Ninja Turtles and how I’m going to punish you turkeys with my spikes on Super Spike V’Ball. Anybody expecting more than that is going to be sorely disappointed. Anybody expecting less than that is going to be KaBOOM’d! back to reality by a gut splitting spike and by the fact that somebody sent me an e-mail once that said my American Gladiators review “kicked ass.” It should be noted that he said nothing about it being the planet’s greatest game. That’s obviously a title that was indisputably claimed years ago. The Leonardite |
 •There isn't a single person in this country who hasn't seen an episode of the American Gladiators, which is pretty impressive considering that 45% of Americans haven't seen a newscast before. That made GameTek's task pretty tough in creating this game. And while some people may give up like sissies, guys as tough as Nitro realize that this game is as appealing as Siren and Blaze. •Check out the best argument against playing with your NESticles right here.  •It's not every day that you get speed across a battlefield at 255 MPH. It's also not every day that you get to reference the musical stylings of Eddie Murphy. Thankfully, Rad Racer II allows us to do both. Get in on the excitement yourself right here. |
Dedicated to The Stick