Afro-disiac (01/30/04) --

Please forgive us; we just don’t have a clue. While nobody is intending to be, apparently we’re all racists here in the state of North Dakota. It’s just our nature, I guess.

Perhaps that might be a little extreme, but I’m really beginning to wonder if it isn't true. You see, this all stems from the fact that North Dakota is the whitest state in the union and when we encounter someone of another race, well, we’re just not educated enough to know the difference between what we think is the truth and what is a racial slur. Sure, we know that there are some blatantly obvious things that you cannot say and some terms that just aren't proper for anybody to hear, but on other accounts, we’re just not educated enough on the whole social interaction thing to know what not to utter.

Never was this more true than last winter, when North Dakota State and the University of North Dakota met on the hardcourt with the annual “Can You Believe This Many People are Watching Women’s Basketball!!!!?” game. The student sections were quite spirited as usual and even got UND’s coach, Gene Roebuck, to lash out at them like the grumpy old man he is. The personification of class it wasn’t, but it was a typical reaction in a rivalry game like this.

But it was after the game that the fireworks really started to go off. UND’s assistant coach, Shannon Baugh (pictured above), claimed that a student had hurled a racial slur her way. The community was shocked. While many things are yelled about the opposing team and their mothers, race has never played a part in the taunting. But then, community outrage turned to downright puzzlement, to incredulous laughter. The horrible, downright inhumane racial taunt was….

“Nice afro.”

Holy geez, get the Million Man March here, don’t delay in calling Jesse Jackson and for God’s sake, get the NAACP on the case! We have someone, and you can quote him on this, making derisive comments about someone’s hairstyle. What is the world coming to when someone accurately points out that you have an afro?

Ms. Baugh never did describe why this was a racial taunt and therefore, our ignorant Caucasian population still doesn’t know how to react to this situation. But to me, if it’s an afro, call it an afro. I don’t think Dr. J, Bake McBride, or the Jackson Five would’ve been offended if you had pointed out that they were sporting an afro. But apparently this is racism.

But please, friends, look at her picture above one more time. Is that not an afro? What are you supposed to call it? Luckily, I have obtained the Shannon Baugh “Guide to Referring to Stuff.” (She’s not very good at coming up with titles, either)

• The Women’s National Basketball Association ---- Athletic Competition
• Howard Dean ---- Soft-spoken
• Queen Latifah ---- Hot and skinny
• The Afro Man ---- The Racist Male
• Yankees Fans ---- Good people

If that’s the way things are, then I guess I'd rather be a racist. Luckily I have just the culprit to take my aggression out on, even if he lost his glorious locks after he sold his soul to Uncle Sam. He’s a man you might have seen on the NES page a couple of times and I am going to hurl a brutal racially insensitive remark at him right now.


Nice afro, Chase, nice afro.

Uh oh, I think I hear Jesse Jackson calling my name.

The Leonardite


***Epilogue***

Over a year after publishing this article, I received an e-mail from our favorite bushy-haired college basketball coach. The following is our short-lived, but legendary e-correspondence.

SENT: Wed 5/18/2005 4:54 PM
FROM: SHANNON BAUGH [stbaugh@comcast.net]
TO: leonardite@leonardite.com
SUBJECT: article

it just so happens that i was doing some work on the computer and came across this... If you do not have the whole truth then don't speak of the situation. It about more that the nice AFRO comment. When you also hear other things, and no one else seems to pay attention when you are explaining the situation. The word NIGGER is definately not acceptable... I did not see anything about that in the article you wrote. HMMMMM i wonder why. I do have one question, If it was you in the same situation how would you feel? I would apperciate and email response back!

Shannon Baugh

---

SENT: Tue, 24 May 2005 16:10:58
FROM: The Leonardite [leonardite@leonardite.com]
TO: SHANNON BAUGH [stbaugh@comcast.net]
SUBJECT: RE: article

Greetings. I was doing some work on the computer and came across your e-mail.

"The word NIGGER is definately not acceptable... I did not see anything about that in the article you wrote. HMMMMM i wonder why"

Having not been educated in deciphering irate e-mails, I'm not really sure what you're insinuating here, so I'm going to ignore it. But I will say that this is the first time the allegedly ignored "n-word situation" has been brought to my attention. When the media jumped on this story, only "Nice Afro-gate" was mentioned. This is quite curious because in a town that craves anything even resembling news, I can't believe that they wouldn't have put your more serious claim first. In fact, the Forum was quick to list the racial slurs supposedly thrown at the MSU-Mankato football team, so I think I'm only being realistic when I raise a couple of eyebrows at your allegation (and I only have two or I'd raise more.)

I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, though, and assume that this happened. If so, that is too bad and I am sorry that it did.

"I do have one question, If it was you in the same situation how would you feel?"

I actually have experience in this arena. A dumb, chubby kid once told me, and I quote verbatim, to "Get off my porch you nigger" to my face. But since I am caucasian, I laughed at him. I don't know if that helps you or not.

Leonardite