Buffaloing the Recruits (02/11/04) --

Yes, it was all very disturbing. I, for one, was ready to march on Capitol Hill to protest the atrocity of the Super Bowl halftime show until the newest scandal came along...

Helloooooooo Colorado football!

This is exactly the kind of scandal that the nation could never have foreseen. Some college kids with above average testosterone levels getting together to look at women and drink some beer. If this doesn’t strike you as something to alert the FBI over, then you clearly are a rational human.

To be fair, the allegations of sending women to the recruits’ hotel rooms and the idea that women might have been raped at a party are certainly disturbing. I won’t deny the impact of this, nor the necessity to investigate. But what really has struck me as most fascinating is the way the national media is digging into anything else that might even be remotely sinful and showing it to the nation as completely shocking.

Let’s start with the documentation that the recruits were taken to a strip club. Sure, it was university and program policy not to go to such an establishment, but who is really shocked? It was an 18+ establishment and the current players were charged with taking them out on the town. Perhaps ESPN’s definition of out on the town is reading magazines (Good Housekeeping, Redbook) without paying for

I can assure you that the MIT recruiting parties are K-R-A-Z-Y. As we all know, replacing a proper "c" with a "k" ups the crazification level even further.

them at the supermarket or checking out the babes at the 7 PM buffet at Denny’s, but for the rest of us this is thoroughly expected. Crude? Sure. Something you’re not going to want spread around? Absolutely. But I think maybe some of these reporters who get their lunch cards punched every day at these "dinner clubs" should look in the mirror before shunning some kids who did what has been done a million times before.

Not sold on the strip club? Fine, I’ll admit to you they shouldn't have been there while on an official visit. But what really kills me is the fact that there is a mini uproar over the fact that there was beer consumed by these recruits and their hosts. If you missed the interview with the fat, dimpled kid on ESPN, he was grilled on this topic. You could see the amusement in his Jello-filled face as questions like, “So, they offered you beer?” and “You had access to alcohol?” were posed. Acceptable answers in this situation were uncontrollable laughter or laughter mixed with disbelieving facial twitches in the direction of the interviewer. Anything else must be considered excessive politeness.

Back in the day, even the Leonardite had some contact with schools about playing college football. Most of them were from institutions known more for their easy access to good fishing or for their inordinately high hot, rich girl population, but that reinforces the point I’m about to make now even more. For the schools I had the most interest in, I was contacted either in person or on the phone by current players. And unfailingly they told me that if I came for an official visit, once the university stuff was over, there would be a night out and at the very least, there would be beer.

Friends, if I had gotten a call from some junior linebacker and he didn’t offer this potential recruit the chance for some free brews, red flags would have instantly flown up everywhere. I’d have a hard time wanting to attend someplace where the defense gathers to watch Clueless and hold hands with each other on Friday nights while they sip their milk.

The boys at Trinity Bible College are probably a sober squad, but you know at least one of them got ripped after losing 105-0 in a game this season.

I knew and expected that this would be standard procedure when I went through my courtship, and I was dealing with Division II and III schools. Imagine talking to a Big 12 school, hearing you’re going out on the town, and thinking that you’re going to watch America’s Funniest Videos while on your visit.

Not only would you immediately check the university off your list, but you would naturally pull down your pants to see if you were still a man and then run away screaming like a wild banshee.

If anybody thinks that the recruits don’t get drunk, often times ridiculously so, at every one of the 117 Division 1-A schools, they are living in a mystical little dream world where every player does his homework and they are all there for an education. Look on the bright side; at least the recruits weren’t pushing traffic cops with their vehicles or defecating in clothes hampers. That’s best left to professionals.

The Leonardite